How do I handle my ex boyfriend’s first phone call after our break up? I really don’t want to mess things up and I’m not sure how I should behave while I’m talking to him. Please give me some guidelines to follow so I can get him back if he calls me.
Great question. Hopefully up to this point you did things right and cleanly broke off your relationship with your boyfriend and gave him enough space for him to start missing you again. But now your phone suddenly rings and he’s on the other end. What should you do next?
Firstly, don’t be nervous. It’s probably been a long few weeks for you, but you have to remember that talking to your ex again is a skill that needs to be developed.
Remember, your ex called you first, and that’s a good thing because it means you’re now in the driver’s seat. Being aware of this should help keep you relaxed so you can steer the call in a favorable direction. It’s obvious that you’ve done something recently that’s piqued his interest in you, so the phone call is his way of making contact with you again.
Also keep in mind that your ex probably has a reason he wants to talk because he wouldn’t have just picked up the phone and dialed your number. No, he’s already come up with an excuse to call you.
Assuming that this is the first time he’s called you since the breakup, he’s probably got a mental picture of how the conversation’s going to go. He’s got it figured out what he’s going to say and how you’re going to react to what he says. Keep in mind that his goal here is to get everything on the table while at the same time appearing casual.
However, when it comes to you and the phone call, sometimes what you say isn’t nearly as important as how it comes across to your ex. I’ve listed a few Do’s and Don’ts below to help get you prepared.
• Don’t be nervous. Your ex will be able to see right through this and he’s going to interpret this as a sign that you want to get back together. This puts him in control again, so stay calm and don’t give anything away.
• Don’t be negative. One of the worst things you can do is be negative when someone gives you an olive branch. Instead, try and focus on what your end goal is and stay positive while talking to him no matter what happened in the past.
• Don’t give away too much. Your ex boyfriend wants one thing and one thing only from you: information. Don’t lie to him, but don’t give him too much either. Stay cryptic. Let him wonder what you’re doing, who you’ve been with etc. Doing this sets the stage for a second phone call from him.
• Let him do the talking. Remember, your ex called you not the other way around so let him do the bulk of the talking. The more you let him talk, the more he exposes himself and his true agenda for why he called in the first place. Focus on what he’s saying and how he says it. See if he’s got a good attitude about things. By having him do most of the talking, he’ll think he’s in control of the situation and you’ll appear more mysterious to him.
• Keep it short. When it comes to the first phone call, the shorter the better. Be the one who decides when it ends, not the other way around.
• Stay cool and calm. You want to appear casual and slightly indifferent when talking to your ex because he needs to see the strong side of you, the side that can handle a break up and move on with out being desperate.
It’s OK to be happy when your ex calls, but it’s more important for you to be happy with your life even if he doesn’t call.
Let me explain:
Your chances of getting your ex back improve dramatically when he thinks you’ve moved on and are totally over him and happy with your life. As humans, we instinctively want the things we can’t have or what we feel is slipping away from us, so the minute he realizes this is the minute his behavior and attitude towards you changes.
Seize Control Of The Phone Call
Directly after the breakup your ex siezed all control over what happened next between you two. But as I mentioned before, when he called, he unknowingly gave some control back to you.
What you’re going to do next is take back even more control. Up to this point, your ex has envisioned that he can have you back when ever he wants. He knows you still love him and want him and he knows you wanted to fight to keep the relationship alive.
But what he doesn’t know is that you’re a confident, new person and you’re about to burst his bubble and show him that not only can he lose you…but he might have already.